I, Natalie Taylor, Am Desperate

March 11
3:00 p.m.

One whole day and I haven’t heard back about my application. Which is somewhat ridiculous—I mean it’s a church!! I can’t imagine a gazillion people just dying to work in a church. Now if it was the airlines…

Not that the church isn’t a wonderful place.

Now I’m worried that I’ve offended God and he won’t let me get any job. I will have to go back, rot and die, and Frankie will break my heart… Not that God is mean and spiteful, I’m just not in the mood for learning a life-lesson. One should slow down that learning process…more lasting impact that way. Or so I keep telling God.

5:00 p.m.

Still no news.

The office is probably closed by now, otherwise I would have called them to make sure they had received my application. The online stuff doesn’t always work.

I think I’m whining.

I’m not good at waiting. Whoa! Big surprise!

11:00 p.m.

I wish I could get a job. Would make 11:00 p.m. easier. Why, you ask? Because that’s the time Frankie always called.

And he hasn’t called since I left. I’m sure he was hurt, and when he gets hurt he shuts me out. Which reminds me of why I’m here in the first place. Self, remember you’re here because you’re building a new life. You don’t want to be hurt anymore. You’re placing a value on yourself, because he doesn’t treat you the way you should be treated.

Good. Now I can go to sleep.

11:45 p.m.

Self is not listening. And I’m awake again.

I wonder if I should just text Frankie a message. I did leave in a hurry. Maybe he’ll understand.

“Hey there! Just checking to see how much you miss me…” Delete. Delete. Delete.

“Hey!! I know you miss me…” Delete. Delete. Delete.

This is so lame. It’s not like we don’t know each other. We used to talk all the time…

Gwen knocks at my door and comes in. “Nat, what’s up? I thought I saw the light on.” She’s looking at the phone in my hand. “Don’t do it. Be strong.”

“Whaat? I’m not…” Who am I fooling? “Okay.”

“It’s all going to work out. You wait and see. Night. Love you.”

“Love you.” Best sister in the world.

I find “Everlong” on my phone, put my earphones back in, and hope for sleep. Foo Fighters! Best way to cure a heartache.

March 12
3:20 p.m.

Kate, the pastor’s secretary from the church I applied to, just called me. Can I meet with them tomorrow?

Yes. I can even meet in 10 minutes. I need a job that badly. I am that desperate!!!

Of course I didn’t tell her that.

The interview is tomorrow morning. A little church secretary job for a few months will be easy and fun!

Natalie Taylor
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