I, Natalie Taylor, Am Fallin’ Down

June 18
2:30 p.m.

So…Frankie came, saw, didn’t completely conquer, and left.

At least, that’s how I summed up his visit to Kate when she asked me how my time with Frankie went.

“You’re in love with him?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Nat, you’re either in love with a man or not. You don’t think so doesn’t work.”


Kate’s looking at me suspiciously. “He’s not like a back up plan for you. Like a Plan B because you think there might not be anyone else left if you don’t marry Frankie.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I don’t want to tell her that Gwen said the same thing.

“Are you sure?”

“Well…if it is, it’s not a conscious thing. Sort of…you know.”

“Nat, don’t do anything stupid. Promise?”


“You like Tav.” Statement, not a question on her part.

“No.” She’s smiling and that is so irritating.

“Not everyone in the world is in love with him.”

“In love with who?” There he is again. Tav.

“Ask her.”

“You have a message from Faith.” I change the subject. Probably the only time I’ve ever been happy that Faith called and breathlessly left a message for Tav-Tav.


3:55 p.m.

“How did you enjoy the concert?” Brad asks as he continues texting on his phone. How do people do it? Carry on a conversation and talk at the same time. I want people to look me in the eye when they’re talking to me. What is the world coming to?

“Brad, I refuse to talk to you as you text.”


“Oh, fine. Be like that. It was brilliant. I’m just sorry that you had to miss it.”

“Me too. Wild-goose parent concern as usual.”

“Was it Will’s mom?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“Just thought it might be.” Because I’ve seen Will’s mom check you over. Men are such idiots sometimes. Most times.

“You were pretty stressed at the concert, weren’t you?”

“Not really. It was fun.”

“Saw you crawling on the floor…didn’t know you used contacts.” He’s continuing texting.


“Not good to split your time between two boyfriends on the same evening.” Brad’s now staring at me and grinning. “I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“There wasn’t two…you are such a…Brad, I’m going to kill you.”

“Nat, quite a gal. PKs generally are.”

I’ve had to take his teasing for another half hour. He thinks the whole thing is hugely funny.


1:45 a.m.

Can’t sleep. Keep thinking about it. I’m trying not to get all over-sensitive, analytical, or panicky about it, but it really seems like Tav’s been avoiding me since the concert. Might be just my imagination. I just hope he doesn’t think that I was trying to hit on him or something.

Maybe he’s got something on his mind. Kate did mention that he was concerned about his upcoming trip somewhere or the other.

Praying that God will help me settle down. I always think it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have done this, said that. Keep trying to replay conversations and it always ends with my blaming myself. Was I too flirty? Did I laugh too much? Too loud? I didn’t display what Hannah’s mom liked to call “decorous conduct becoming of a Christian woman.” And then she’d look at me and I could see a big “F” stamped on me. I had failed the decorous woman test. Ugh.

I turn on my fighter’s anthem for the day and listen to Seether…

“I’m fallin’ down, but I’ll rise above this doubt…”

Natalie Taylor
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