I, Natalie Taylor, Want to Slap Faith (in Christ)

September 14
10:45 a.m.

“What are you doing here on your day off?”

“It’s not going to be my favorite week,” Kate announces, placing a stack of papers on my desk…on her day off! Did I mention that?


“Missions Weekend!” Kate doesn’t like missions?

“You don’t believe in missions?” Of course I’m surprised. I thought Kate would definitely support missions.

“No, it’s the way they handle missions here.”

“You mean the once-a-year-let’s-focus-on-the-Great-Commission type of thing?”

Kate’s nodding in agreement. She gets it, too. As a PK, it really ticks me off when missionaries get side-lined. Of course, some of them should, but…

“Do you realize that the sweet ladies on our Mission’s Committee used to gather used tea bags and send it to the missionaries in China.”

“Haha! You’re so funny!”

“No, no. It’s a true story. We had to persuade them not to do that. We used the health code government threat.”

“You’re joking!”

I love church stories.

“Anyway, it really is a great weekend. Wonderful food and fellowship, but I just wish we’d be focused on missions all the time, not just for one weekend of the year.” Kate’s separating the papers she’s put on my desk.

“Here’s the information for the special bulletin for Sunday.” Kate has finally finished sorting out the papers, and is handing them to me.

“Who are our missionaries?”

“Bonnie and Clyde.”

“What do you mean Bonnie and Clyde? They look like a Mom and Pop duo.”

“Aaah…but wait. You’ll know when you read about them and meet them.”


September 16
11:15 a.m.

I’m chatting with Kate in my office when footsteps in the hallway, and that certain stench, herald the arrival of Faith. Kate literally runs out of my office to avoid meeting her.

I wasn’t so lucky. Thanks Kate!

“Hi Natalie.” Faith’s all smiles and joy.

“Hi Faith! How can I help?”

“This is the day the Lord has made…”

“Yep. This is me rejoicing!” I don’t have time for spiritual small talk today. Or any day with Faith.

“I was driving by and thought I’d leave this book for Tav-Tav.”

“Awww…that’s so sweet of you.” I could just throw-up all over it. And I don’t even know what book it is.

“Actually, I just called and told him that I’d leave it for him in his office. Can I tell you a secret?”

No, I don’t really care. “Can’t wait!”

“I bought him a bookmark with his name on it, and…” (Roll of eyes, instead of drum roll, I’m guessing…)


“Faith, you’re such a tease to keep me waiting to hear what you’re going to do.” Puhleez,just shoot me instead.

“…I added a bookmark with my name on it, too!!! He told me to leave it on his desk.”

“The bookmark?”

She’s confused. “The bookmark? What do you mean the bookmark?”

She’s confused? I’m even more confused.

“You said Tavish told you to leave the bookmark on his desk.”

“I said no such thing. Natalie, you have to understand that Tav-Tav and I have a very special—” (this time smirky smile—I want to slap her face…in Christ, of course) “—relationship. You have to try not to be jealous. I know how secretaries fall in love with their bosses. And Tav-Tav’s so…”

“I’m not…”

“You don’t have to sound so defensive. Even Tav-Tav said…”

“Tav-Tav…Tavish said what?”

“Oh nothing. Don’t make such a big deal about everything, Natalie. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your feelings. Just give him this book.”

What is going on? The book is wrapped in this really pretty wrapping paper and I can make out the word “love” through it.

“On second thought, I’ll just leave it in his office.”

My mind is trying not to think about what Tavish said to her. I’m not going to let her enjoy rubbing my nose in whatever it’s supposed to be rubbed in.

“Cool! I’m sure he’ll love it!” I’d say anything just to get her away. “You need to get into his office?”

“No, don’t bother. I know my way around,” she winks, and turns to go to Tavish’s office, and runs right into Kate.

“Hi Faith. Good to see you!”

“Kate! You’re here?” Faith’s surprise is evident. “Were you listening in to our conversation?” Faith’s watching Kate through narrowed eyes. I’m wondering what that’s all about.

“Natalie’s and yours? Maybe. Should I not have been?”

“What are you doing here?” What’s with all the hostility towards Kate?

“I work here,” Kate jokes.

“I know that.” Faith is all hissy-like.

“It’s Mission Weekend, you know, busy week. Kate’s helping me.” I’m watching Kate and afraid she’s going to flip out at Faith. It’s been that kind of week for her.

“Are you looking for something?” Kate’s standing in front of Faith, blocking her path towards Tavish’s office.

“I wanted to put this book on Tav-Tav’s desk…” Faith’s trying to push past Kate.

“Great. I’ll do it for you.” Kate grabs the wrapped book out of Faith’s hand, and starts to escort her out of my office.

“Actually…” Faith’s protesting, “…I know that Tav-Tav would prefer that I give it to him myself.” She grabs the book back out of Kate’s hands.

“Well you did try!” I’m laughing.

“I heard her conversation with you about Tav-Tav.” Kate’s trying to sound like Faith.

“What was that all about, anyway? She seemed really put out to see you.”

“She thought…”

“I’m waiting to hear.”

“Never mind what she thought.” And she’s gone.

This has not been a very good day. First, Faith won’t tell me what Tavish said. And now Kate won’t tell me what she thinks Faith thought.

I have a headache.

I don’t know what Tavish said.

I hate men.

Tavish is a man.

I hate Tavish.

And Faith.

And Tavish and Faith together.

I’m sick.

Photo by Faylyne via Flickr

Natalie Taylor
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