Carol Howell Talks Dementia: How I Wish I Could

I am an Amazon Best Selling Author who writes about dementia. My podcast  “Let’s Talk Dementia” is heard in 35 countries. I have a YouTube channel devoted to dementia. I educate others about dementia everyday. However, I cannot make Momma well. I cannot fix this.

How I wish I could.

I am a fixer. You know the personality type. I see a problem, ponder it, make a plan, develop the plan, and carry the plan out. The plan fixes the problem. I cannot fix Alzheimer’s. I cannot fix dementia. I cannot fix life for Momma.

How I wish I could.

Momma is experiencing a loss of her personality. She has a blank stare most of the day. When she smiles, it lights up my world like nothing I can explain. However, those smiles are becoming fewer and fewer each day. I cannot fix this.

How I wish I could.

Momma is tremoring more. Her upper lip shakes. Her hands shake. Her brain is trying to keep up with so many things, and it is failing her. I cannot fix this.

How I wish I could.

Momma is living in the 1960s. She thinks her children are still in school. She feels there are tasks being left undone each day. She cannot discern what the tasks are or how to correct the situation, but it is making her tense and agitated while she tries to process the scenarios in her brain. I cannot fix this.

How I wish I could.

So what can I do? I can learn to lean on God. I’m actually discovering I am not so good at that. I thought I had this concept under control. I do not. I am not recognizing his hand in every situation like I should. I am not sharing my pain and sadness with him as he wants me to. I am not learning to breathe while I trust his best for Momma and our family. This is something I can fix.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, pray with me:

“God, forgive my lack of trust. Forgive my headstrong plans to make things perfect when you are the only Perfect One that has ever existed or will ever exist. I take my cares, worries, and concerns and happily give them to you. I can’t do this alone. I need You to relieve the anxiety, stress, fear and tension that reside in me as I caregive for Momma. I trust you. I love you. I am so glad that You can do this!”


Hope that gives you Something to Ponder.

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