“Behind you, three pews back…” That’s where you’ll find Bitter Blue Betty!
1. Why did you start a Twitter account?
A. One of the youth stole my pew cushion so I thought I would utilize The Twitter to help me track down the culprit. Turns out the hippies were using it for a game of indoor Ultimate Frisbee. Ended up finding it behind the electric drum set when I was messing with the drummers settings.
2. What has been your favourite (British?) Twitter interaction so far?
A. Liking my own tweets.
3. Who is your favourite (Canadian?) theologian, past and/or present?
A. Whichever theologian keeps it to three points and under thirty minutes.
4. Is it easier to be who you really are as an Anon?
A. What makes you think I’m an Anon? What has Martha been telling you?
5. What is something that people would be surprised to know about you?
A. I won the Miss Congeniality award in the Miss Mississippi WMU pageant in 19-ought-3.
6. What book are you reading? OR: Besides the Bible, what book has influenced your Christian walk the most?
A. 750 Ways to Annoy People.Or, Blue: The History of a Color.
7. What’s your favourite movie or TV show?
A. Picture Shows are of the devil. I don’t watch the boob-tube.
8. What is your pet peeve in church or with Christians?
A. No one today knows how to make a good potluck casserole any more.
9. Why is it important to study theology?
A. So you know how to best correct the pastor when he is wrong.
10. After a stressful day, what’s your favourite way of relaxing?
A. Writing anonymous letters to the deacons and pastors. Certainly not responding to Anon surveys.
11. What’s your favorite Bible verse(s)?
A. Job 7:11 — Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
12. What makes you so very bored?
A. Did I mention Anon surveys?
13. Do you like chocolate? If yes, what’s your favourite kind?
A. Nutella and whatever chocolates I can empty out of the bowl on the youth guy’s desk.
14. What place in the world would you like to visit? Why? OR If you could be any place right now, where would it be? Why?
A. I do rather enjoy going to the unemployment office and seeing all the pastors I’ve run off waiting for their benefits.
15. What are the three top things on your bucket list for this year?
-Avoid being a volunteer in the nursery.
-Keep the pastor preaching less than 30 minutes.
-Learn to not worry so much about what people think about me and say what I really think.
16. Your friend wants you to go to her Bible study group…but your favorite band is in town, and another friend gives you tickets to the concert. What would you do?
A. Trick question: No friend of mine would lie to me about George Beverly Shea being in town when all good Christians know he went to sing for Jesus on April 16, 2013.
17. Your worst critic in the church is shopping in the same grocery store you’re at. Do you: look for the nearest exit, put your dark glasses on, run your grocery cart into them, or pretend you didn’t see them?
A. I wouldn’t do any of those things. I’d go right up to him and tell him the reason his preaching is so bad is because he wastes time at the store instead of preparing more.
Or, if I’m feeling spunky, see how many of the following items I could sneak in their cart before he notices: 1) Head lice shampoo, 2) Anti-fungal medications, 3) Large quantities of alcohol, 4) Viagra, 5) anti-diarrhea medications, etc.
18. Link us to your go-to song of the moment while driving to Sunday worship—you know, the song that you need/like to hear before you arrive at church?
A. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mvF2e6NE4c
19. Who is the one Anon you would most like to smack? Why?
A. I’d smack @xiancollegekid but I think he set up a “safe zone.”
- What would you consider the “worst”—Christian book, Christian music, Christian movies? (If you have more than one choice, please feel free to list them.)
A. Does the NIV count?
21. Is the church relevant? If yes, what would you consider the best way to reach the unchurched?
A. The church stopped being relevant when it stopped using the KJV.
I’ve always been a fan of leaving Gospel tracts instead of tips for waiters.
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