Where have I heard this before?

Whatever happened to Josh? Thought he was the love of her life?
Yeah, but he turned out to be such a jerk. Now she’s with Bill.
Are you serious? What does she see in him? Even Josh looks better. Isn’t this the third guy this year?
Uhm…fourth.
Why can’t she find someone real?

Heard this before? Do you know any woman who chronically picks the real losers—moving from worse to worst? It looks like she’s trying to find and give herself away to every Mr. Below-Average in town before she runs out of time. She’s getting older (but not much wiser), and never seems to run out of the conga line of losers.

I know women (and I include myself—at one point long ago, when I panicked seeing an exodus straight from graduation to the altar) who have spent or spend their lives looking for the “Right One,” moving from one man to another, never seeming to find anyone who’s even worth the effort. They’re loyal (he’s not), generous to a fault, always give him the benefit of the doubt (are usually wrong), they’re forgiving (doing the seventy-seven times), and all the rest.

These women might have had some standards in their early years of The Search, but gave them up and lost any sense of discrimination as they abandoned their sense of personal value. In the end, they removed the price tag on the entrance to their heart.

Or they just slashed the price and marked SALE—like a going out of business sale.

A big part of the problem is that culture (yes, even today!) puts such unbearable pressure on women (and young girls) to be “in a relationship”—no matter the cost. It used to be tough years ago for someone not to have a “steady,” but today it’s considered absolutely essential. No man in your life—you might as well just check out and join a convent or go live somewhere in the mountains. In an age of greater demand for women’s freedom, we appear to have bound ourselves to a deeper enslavement needing affirmation and self-worth by being in a relationship.

What’s missing?

How do you know if he’s a creep?

Don’t worry, if he’s a creep he’ll give you plenty of clues that he’s a creep, and no matter how you’re tempted to sweep them under the rug because you want it to be right, don’t do it. Every clue matters.

If you’re not sure, just ask your close friends and family members—those who love you and want the best for you.

So pay attention!

Don’t let the powerful bonding glue start to set while you’re still wondering if the elephant in the room really is an elephant. The glue is often largely out of your control (it’s hormones—chemistry) and shouldn’t be messed around with. After a certain point, particularly after things get physical, you’re in for the whole ride. And you can’t hop off this rollercoaster until it stops.

My thoughts. I want to hear yours.

Photo © Disney