I love you.
You’re adorable!
I’ve never felt like this about anyone else.
You’re the most important thing in my life. I can talk to you like I can’t talk to anyone else.
Stay with me. Don’t go.
And you believe it. You give in, only to discover that you’re not as adorable, nor are you as important, as he said you were. Nor did he love you like you thought he did.
As difficult as it might be to accept—no matter how much you deny it, rewrite history, and think it was different—you didn’t matter that much.
Have you seen the film The Family?
The film shows a scene where the daughter Belle falls for Henri, the school’s math tutor. She’s been saving herself for true love and thinks this is it. She gives in.
But, as is common with thousands of others, it isn’t love. When Henri breaks it off with her on the telephone, she tells him, “Love was the only thing that could take me away from my crazy life. It was my only hope. And you crushed it… I gave you my heart and soul. Things I’ve never given anybody before. And… you want to call it a fabulous moment?”
Belle was a “moment” for him.
If you think that this only happens in the secular world and that Christians are immune from this, you’re wrong. This occurs even for Bible-believing Christians. Whatever the scenario, as difficult a pill it is to swallow, you need to acknowledge that painful, heartbreaking reality—it’s over. But don’t let Satan feed you the lie that because he didn’t love you, you are unlovable, because that’s what you’re feeling, and something you’ll keep repeating to yourself.
Now, here’s the good news for those who were just a “moment.” As with any other time you feel discarded or rejected, God is the One who can restore you to complete wholeness. The deeper the grief, the greater you sense God’s grace. Sometimes it takes a horrible event to experience his deep love, restoring power, and care for you.
So, turn to God and let him deal with your heartbreaker as he sees fit. God’s justice is far better than anything you could ever do. Don’t let the hurt turn into bitterness that robs you of your joy or your self-worth. Try to immerse yourself in serving others, pick up a new job or hobby, and wait on God.
Need Help in Getting Past Guilt and Shame?
What was I thinking? How could I have been so stupid?
When you’re facing such a situation, understand that if you turn to God and ask for forgiveness, it’s a done deal. None of us is sinless. With God’s help, we just try to sin less.
If you can’t get past forgiving yourself for your mistakes, don’t turn away from God. God has already solved our estrangement from him by absorbing all our guilt and shame in the sacrificial death of his Son. What this means is that our heavenly Judge removes both our guilt and shame. No sin is too perverse for our God to forgive or mistake too great for him to fix.
Through confession of our sins, repentance, and forgiveness, we live without guilt or condemnation. There’s nothing better than living with a clean conscience. This is grace and mercy at work. Essentially, grace is getting what we don’t deserve, and mercy is not getting what we do deserve.
On Valentine’s Day (or any other day) so many lovely, unsure, insecure people might be open to making themselves a “moment.” But is that what you really want? Don’t give in to the hype and peer pressure. God has a much better plan for your life.
–Photo by Naomi Irons on Unsplash
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