Please share this post to help others discover God’s forgiveness after abortion!
“I never would have aborted had my boyfriend not bullied me into it, Sydna,” the recently post-abortive woman outlined in an e-mail message. “My anger against him is consuming me.”
Women do not get pregnant by themselves. Rarely do they end up in abortion clinics without being impacted by the opinion of others. Whether through direct or indirect involvement, abortion enablers are those who encourage, bully, intimidate, coerce or assist women in choosing abortion. If you “supported” a woman’s choice to abort in any way, you fit the abortion enabler category.
While I had entered that clinic of my own free will and have taken responsibility for this choice, I was deeply conflicted. For weeks my boyfriend had encouraged, argued, and reinforced that abortion was our only option. He would accept no other choice but abortion. His intimidation factored strongly into my reluctantly entering a place that would change my life forever.
If society labels me a murderer for my abortion decision, then the young man who bullied me into that clinic deserves the same title. He was certainly an accessory to our child’s death which means he deserves the same punishment.
Had this young man gallantly proposed when he learned of my unplanned pregnancy, I would have been spared the emotional, spiritually, physical, and psychological trauma that nearly ruined my life. As I hobbled down the four flights of stairs after my horrific abortion, my boyfriend met me at the door. Deep anger overwhelmed me when I saw his face. I would never respect or love him again.
Abortion is not the glue that keeps people together, but a lightning bolt of horror that forever separates the involved hearts. If you are still with the individual who got you pregnant, then God is all over your relationship because it is very rare.
My consuming anger towards the father of my baby overwhelmed me for years. It was unhealthy and sinful at many levels, because I wasn’t dragged into that clinic. After 25 years in the public eye talking about our abortion, this man has yet to offer me any remorse for his actions. Yet forgiving him was very necessary in discovering God’s healing.
Forgiving an abortion enabler is not excusing them for their actions. It isn’t forgetting what they did to us. Nor is it understanding why they did what they did. We don’t have to trust them again because trust must be earned. God doesn’t ask us to approve of how they treated us.
The key in forgiving abortion enablers is that God wants us to stop holding them accountable for their sins against us. He wants us to let HIM hold them accountable instead. Romans 14:10 outlines, We will all stand before God’s judgment seat.
Scripture is filled with other mandates on forgiving those who wronged us. These include:
- If you hold anything against anyone, forgive him (Mark 11:25)
- Be reconciled to your brother (Matthew 5:24)
- I tell you, seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:22)
God isn’t asking us to say that the impact of these abortion enablers doesn’t matter. If you were lied to, misinformed, intimidated and even abused, it matters. All the negative aspects of your abortion decision are known to God. It’s time to let these individuals off your heart’s “hook” and give that burden over to the Creator of the Universe. As you forgive them, God will remove the vengeful spirit that can consume us and provide new insights of comfort.
If you have experienced abortion, make a list of the abortion enablers related to this choice. List anyone who had a part, big or small, known or unknown. Explore your reasons for resenting them. Then pray through each name on the list, asking God to help you see them in a new light, and to forgive them. And then, turn them over to God for repayment of their debt to you.
Should you identify as an abortion enabler, understand that you have sinned and deserve the “murderer” title. Perhaps you accompanied a friend to an abortion clinic after they begged for your support. Maybe you recommended a friend abort a baby that had fetal deformities. For whatever reason, abortion enablement is a sin that God can forgive, redeem and use to his glory.
Romans 5: 20b-21 outlines, But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
There is no sin that God cannot forgive—or help you forgive. If you are struggling with your involvement in an abortion decision, or have experienced abortion personally, an abortion recovery program, offered through pregnancy centers, can help you find God’s amazing peace. God’s love is big enough to forgive any sin—even abortion and abortion enablement.
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Thank you for sharing your heart and struggle with the aftermath of emotional and spiritual wounds from having an abortion. I see the truth of Ro 8:28, yet again, in your words. Hurting needs healing. And especially this pain.
As an abortion enabler I want to share how Holy Spirit worked on my heart to seek forgiveness from my Creator through Jesus and from the mother of my two children I had her abort. I was 17 years old when she became pregnant the first time and was scared to death! The only way I could see to not have my future ruined because of this baby was for her to have an abortion. What made this most apparent to me was the truth that the pregnancy immediately made me aware I did not love this girl. This was the biggest reason that made me not want the baby as I did not want to be tied to her forever, even if we didn’t marry. So, I convinced her to have an abortion going so far as to tell her I would marry her. Part of me wanted this to be true and at first I believed I would marry her. Fear works closely with dishonesty so that we can even deceive ourselves.
Soon after the abortion I knew though that I wanted out of the relationship. When I would try to break it off she threatened to tell my parents and all my friends what I had “done” to her. This was too much for me to handle so we stayed together. And the bumpy relationship turned into a train wreck.
Almost two years later she became pregnant again. This time I told her I would not marry her, was fine if she had an abortion or she could have the child and I would help her raise it. She chose abortion. This was fine with me. She moved away and we didn’t see each other again.
For years I mourned those babies as my older brother had two daughters that would have been close in age to the babies I would have had.
After close to 15-18 years I shared with a group of godly men what I had done. Through tears and weeping I confessed how I had had two children murdered. They prayed with me and helped me repent of these sins.
After 21 years later around Mother’s Day, I had the mother of these babies come to my mind and a pressing need to ask her forgiveness. I managed to make excuses and did nothing and after a few weeks the need diminished. It did not go away. This happened for the next 2-3 Mother’s Days. Each time it was more and more difficult to suppress the feelings. Finally when Mother’s Day came around the next year I prayed and prayed asking God how to get in contact with her and to please help me make amends. I remembered her brother lived in the area. I called him and explained why I needed to contact his sister. He is a Christian and agreed this would be good to do and gave me her contact information.
I prayed for a few days over her name and phone number and then called her. She answered the phone and after a few sentences of “catching up” I told her I how sorry I was for what I had made her do and how much I needed her forgiveness. She immediately forgave me! She shared how she had become a Christian too about five years or so, earlier. Wow, I was so relieved and happy! Now that I write this I realize that when Holy Spirit started prompting me to seek her forgiveness is approximately when she became a Christian. God is so good!!
I have told many people my story as I know I am forgiven and I want it to prevent other young men from being “abortion enablers” as I was. I was raised going to church and knew it was wrong to have sex outside of marriage and that an abortion was murder. I was scared of all this but my fear for “my” future being ruined was bigger than my fear of God and what would happen to my heart because of abortion. I know I cannot go back and undo these decisions. I am forgiven and keep this truth close to my heart when the enemy tries to throw this back at me calling me a “murderer.” So, I live in freedom looking forward to meeting my babies in Heaven and asking them to forgive me too and getting to live eternity with them.
I hope this helps someone who reads this.