Now, more than ever, it seems forgiveness is an area where we all need improvement. Sometimes, people intentionally hurt or wound us. Other times, the offense is unintentional but damaging nonetheless. When we are hurt, our natural response is often to hold onto the grievance, fueling anger and animosity. We frequently forget that we possess the same inclination to wound others. After all, it is often easier to forgive our own failures than to forgive those who wound us.
This is why Jesus tells us to “remove the plank from our own eyes before trying to remove the speck from someone else’s eye” (Matthew 7:5). We live in a “But they…” culture. Jesus says, “Forgive,” and we respond, “But they…!” We frequently choose the hurt over the healing. We demand justice before we will even entertain the thought of mercy.
But the Bible doesn’t place limitations on forgiveness. There’s no tally to keep until we refuse to extend forgiveness anymore. Instead, forgiveness is an attitude that can be extended even before—or if—the offender asks. Jesus asked God to forgive those who killed him, not because they deserved it, but because forgiveness is at the core of God’s character.
Real forgiveness requires letting go of the right to get even or personally pursue justice and, instead, extending compassion and love. Real forgiveness is neither deserved nor earned—it is a gift from the one who is hurt to the one who caused the pain. The apostle Paul writes:
“Friends, do not avenge yourselves; instead, leave room for His wrath. For it is written: Vengeance belongs to Me; I will repay, says the Lord.” — Romans 12:19
We can forgive and leave the payment up to God. This frees us to love. Forgiveness fosters love; refusing it encourages hate.
Ultimately, we don’t forgive simply because it’s a nice thing to do. We forgive because it is God’s nature to forgive. As we seek to be faithful followers of Christ, we need his nature to become our own. Paul writes, “Accept one another and forgive one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive” (Colossians 3:13).
He adds in Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God forgave you in Christ.” We didn’t earn our forgiveness. The Bible tells us that God showed us his love in that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. We were broken, yet he chose to extend love.
It doesn’t end there. Extending or withholding forgiveness directly affects our relationship with God. Jesus says, “If you forgive people their wrongdoing, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive people, your Father will not forgive your wrongdoing.”
Those are tough words to live by, but God calls us to live in forgiveness and reconciliation if we want a healthy and vibrant relationship with him.
Ultimately, forgiveness brings freedom and allows us to lead healthy lives. It opens the door to reconciliation and richer relationships. Hate and an unwillingness to forgive are tearing our world apart. As Christians, we can set the example of how God calls us to live—we can extend love, even when people don’t deserve it. It’s the only way forward.
How about you? Have you ever experienced someone forgiving you even when you didn’t deserve it?
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